What are values?
“Values are base decisions that all of us have already taken sometime while growing up.”
“For example, eating vegetarian food. It is a decision we do not want to make every time we order a meal.”
“Values are mostly subconscious and they do change over time. But they control our range of decision making.”
Where values sit
Think of a person as an iceberg. The part above the water is what you notice first: what someone wears, eats, listens to and posts. The part that decides how they'll act when it costs them sits far below.
| Layer | What it is | Changes in | Between people, you want |
|---|---|---|---|
| Interests and tastes | What you like and show | Months | Variety |
| Lifestyle and habits | How you arrange your days | Years | Variety |
| Beliefs | What you think is true about the world | Minutes to years | Enough overlap to argue well |
| Values | Decisions you no longer reopen | Decades, if ever | Alignment |
The cultural iceberg grew out of anthropologist Edward T. Hall's book Beyond Culture (1976): a small visible part of a culture, and a much larger hidden part made of values and assumptions. Pareen applies the same picture to one person.
Most apps that connect people match on the tip: photos, hobbies, employers, what you consume. Those change in months and matter little over ten years. Roots & Wings reads the bottom layer.
Where values come from
“Values are generally programmed, driven by trauma, or by learning and implementing something consciously.”
| Origin | How it gets installed | Example | How easily it changes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Inherited | Absorbed from family, culture and religion before you were old enough to choose | What counts as respect, food rules, attitudes to money | Hard. It feels like reality, not a choice |
| Reaction | One hard experience closes a question for good | Never depending on anyone again after being let down | Very hard. Reopening it takes deliberate work |
| Chosen | As an adult you look at a question and settle it on purpose | Giving away a fixed share of income, never lying to friends | Easier, because you still remember why |
Most values come from the first two rows, so most people hold them without ever having chosen them. Your card lets you mark each rule you live by as inherited, a reaction, or chosen.
How to tell a value from an opinion
| Sign | What it looks like |
|---|---|
| Close to identity | Challenge it and it feels like a personal attack |
| Resistant to change | Evidence that flips a belief in a minute leaves it alone for years |
| Portable | It shows up at work, at home, with strangers and in politics |
| Seldom clear | Most people can't list their own values. They show in what a person refuses to reconsider |
The last one is the catch. Values are the most useful thing to know about anyone you'll work, live or build with, and they're mostly invisible, even to the person holding them. Making them visible is what Roots & Wings is for.
Why it matters
“Cost of coordination is lower when values are aligned.”
Partners, cofounders, teams and friends can differ on almost everything above the waterline and still work well together. A gap at the bottom layer keeps coming back, decision after decision.